Past, present and future

No sooner do I start whining about Tommy and Tina and Izzy and Gary and the baby disappearing into thin air, and hey presto, they all reappear.

Now, if we can do the reverse with the Paul-isn't-actually-a-racist-but-we'll-say-he-is storyline, that'd be magic.  Jenna's going on like he's organising National Front rallies, and Sophie's trying to get him fired from his job.

There's some lovely touches these days. Rita and Emily reminiscing about the Hewitts' house blowing up, Fiz being upset to hear of former foster-mum Hayley's illness, Roy remembering how much hurt Tracy caused them over the whole Amy/Patience storyline - even Tina referencing her terrible sun-tan addiction, it's not all terrible out-of-character stuff, which is why this racism storyline is clanking around so badly.  That, and David's skulking skulkiness.  These people KNOW David.  They KNOW they have a secret that would destroy him and make him hate them if he discovered it. WHY has no-one considered the possibility that the stupid campaign against Nick may be related to this?

Also, a minor grumble: Michelle going nuts at Peter going to work in the factory. "What experience does he have of the rag trade?" she muttered between walking around with a clipboard and twirling her hair, presumably while waiting for a comedy overweight sweaty sexless boor to require her tits in full view to close a deal. Obviously her years of singing on cruise ships turned her into Deborah Meaden, and her job there has nothing whatsoever to do with her being the owner's sister-in-law.

Sniffle snuffle, I appear to have something in my eye

I am very much looking forward to the next few months where Hayley, Roy and Sylvia will take centre stage, pissing all over the rest of the cast from comically exaggerated heights.  I don't think I can take much more of Tracy & Rob's conniving, David's ridiculous plotting (and everyone's oblivion), and Sophie's judgemental irritatingness, so some tremendous acting should prove a distraction, even if it will ultimately end in the loss of the marvellous Julie Hesmondhalgh.

By the way, something has been bothering me about this bookie storyline (apart from Peter accepting bets he can't honour).  Why is Carla so beholden to Rob and Tracy?  Can't she just threaten to shop them to the police for pinching the silk? That'd have Rob back in prison quicker than a storyline is dispensed with.

Talking of which, has anyone seen baby Joeke, Izzy, Gary, Tina or Tommy? So much for the emotional impact of the surrogacy storyline, eh? I almost miss Izzy's weird tear-free crying face. Almost.  I've given up on a resolution to the Dev/Karl/Sunita thing, so I shouldn't really expect anything more.

Dubious business undertakings

No-one writing Coronation Street has ever been in a bookies before, have they? And, wow, they certainly have a lot of stewards enquiries and disqualifications which go against Peter.

There is no way on God's green earth that Peter wouldn't have layed Rob's giant bet off elsewhere. He's been in this game for years, he must have seen people take money off him before (Steve did it to him last week because of his stupid made-up odds).  No matter how pathetic his feud with Rob is, that's his son's inheritance he's gambling with.  I know we haven't seen Simon for months, but surely Peter still remembers he exists?

Incidentally, talking of dubious legalities, didn't Emily sell her house to Richard Hillman to give the money to Spider?

And has no-one ordered a gin or a vodka in the bistro since David replaced them with water?

Catching up

I've been away on holidays, so a Corrie marathon for me. Hooray!

Now, how could Deirdre be cold-calling Tracy's customers at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME as she's making a pig's ear of blabbing away to Hayley in her real job.

How come a bookie doesn't have a float of over £2k? What if each of the random extras had won £20 or so each, one average win at normal odds over that would have floored the business.  Also, how come he's never open in the evening when loads of horse-racing and greyhounds are on?  No wonder he's going bust.

Also, has lovely Dr Carter been sacked because he lacks the gravitas to give Hayley bad news? We've all seen him dancing about in his pants, after all, that's not befitting of someone who might have to steel us for waving bye-bye to Hayley.

I'm not talking about the Paul racism storyline because it is so ridiculous. One minute Jenna is a serious professional taking steps towards regaining her professional pride, next minute best friends are at each others' throats over the use of a phrase of dubious provenance to protect her innocent little ears from possible racism.  I have some issues with it being Lloyd being a bit uppity about the hint of malice in an expression when he continues to refer to his unseen colleague as Fat Brenda, but that's probably just because I'm a sensitive person of above-average-weight, and I'm white.

Also grrr stupid storyline nonsense: Norris getting Emily's house. Or no-one noticing David's evil skulking, or twigging that his odd behaviour towards Kylie and Nick might be because he suspects something's up. Two weeks ago they were all paranoid he'd find out, he suddenly starts acting odd and no-one thinks he might have found out?

Also, what's happened to Dev's investigations? I presume Karl needed some time off so without him looming in a what-passes-for-menacing manner, there's no point in Dev dusting off the Columbo mac.  Two weeks ago you couldn't move for irritating mannerisms and wailings of "my Suniiiittaaaa", now it's all forgotten about as we all fail to give two hoots about whether Chesney will get back with Katy or whether Sinead will continue to not notice that he's completely horrible and self-obsessed and capture his stupid gormless heart.

I did properly laugh at "Think of me as Switzerland in glasses" though. And I don't even like Deirdre very much.  Still, at least they've written Ken out.  I knew his legion of forgotten children would come in handy one day.

Yeah, let's not do this bistro thing again

So, Weatherfield Plod now respond to anonymous phonecalls about non-existent drug dealing (and can secure a warrant at the drop of a hat based on ABSOLUTELY NOTHING), and the Weatherfield Gazette now sends grumpy local reporters to cover a one-off student night in an area where there are no students because everyone who has ever had designs on academia or a career has dropped it to stitch  knickers or raise a kid or work in a corner shop.

Oh, and Sally, PLEASE stop picking unsuitable men. It's really boring. I thought the online dating storyline was going to be good for a laugh, but no, one non-existent date and it's all as forgotten as a Simon or an Amy or a Max.

I hate Corrie more in the summer.  I think they assume no-one's really watching because we've got lives and there's sunshine and tennis and holidays to distract us, so they pad it out with more drivel than usual just to keep it ticking over.

Dennis the menace

Not really much to moan about in Friday's double-header, except for Dennis' extreme hypocrisy.  "Look at Norris, sponging off an old woman", he bleats, all day long.  Er, let's remember the only storyline he's been involved in since he came back.  That's right, rescuing himself from a life of soup kitchens by marrying St Rita of the bottomless bank account, then going mad with her debit card.

But no-one mentions this, because everyone in Corrie has the attention span of a goldfish that's just been clonked on the head.

Oh, and Leanne? A student night? In the bistro? In the middle of the summer holidays? Really?

An introduction

Hello

Like all good writers (and several terrible ones), I must start by dedicating this to my mum.  She made me start watching Coronation Street.  It's all her fault.  I may never let her read this.

Now, I have watched this nonsense for nigh on 35 years, so some of the characters are like a family. Part of a weird dysfunctional nonsensical family tree which mysteriously grows (and sheds) branches when the plot requires, but a family nonetheless.

Like a family, you excuse their flaws because you love them, or just because it's easier to roll with the punches. But sometimes you just end up screaming "wtf, that's NOT LIKE YOU" at them. Corrie makes me do this a LOT. So I'm going to rant about it a bit.  Maybe.

Some recent tiny examples.

Christian do-gooder Sophie being really cross with Mary for taking an interest in Faye's welfare.

Roy actually putting on that ridiculous tambourine-accessorised pyjama top (also, wouldn't it just be easier to put something across the bedroom door rather than have him lie in bed sounding like a particularly inept one-man band whenever he rolls over in his sleep?).

Deirdre walking Eccles alone on the Red Rec after dark. Her husband was murdered walking alone late at night, you'd think she'd be a bit more careful about straying off the beaten path.

There are biggies too, like why Izzy won't try again for a baby, why Anna suggested she should try adoption when herself and Gary are more settled when it was Gary's criminal record that saw them go down the surrogacy route to start with (this entire storyline would have been much better with Julie and Brian as the prospective parents, surely?).

And then there's the investigative skills of Weatherfield Plod and the collective amnesia that affects all the residents when someone is wronged. This one may take some time.

Still, at least there's no hilarious comedy storylines involving dead tortoises or Craig Tinker's rat at the moment. Yet. For that we can surely be grateful.